Author: Nickie Waehner
Have you ever had a time in your life where you could not forgive someone? Nearly every person can recall a time in their lives where they couldn’t forgive someone for something they did or said. As I'm sure you can relate, harboring resentment and unforgiveness towards someone is exhausting! It's mentally exhausting to consciously choose resentment. However, harboring resentment seems justified in our culture and it's easier than forgiveness. We have learned to justify unforgiveness when we have been wronged. We believe that if we are wronged or hurt bad enough, then we are justified in our resentment. But that's not how it works in the Kingdom of God!
The truth is that unforgnevess is the opposite of restoration. An even harder truth is that as Christ followers, we are called to be ambassadors of the Kingdom of God (2 Cor 5:20)! That means that we are expected to represent Jesus and His Kingdom to people who are not yet part of His Kingdom. We are expected to live out the fruits of the spirit and restore our relationships, even if the people who hurt us are not Christians and even if we have been hurt very badly (Gal 5:22-23).
Jesus came to restore you. Jesus didn't keep a score care of how many times you will mess
up. Jesus didn't justify not forgiving you because of how you've hurt him with your sin. Instead, Jesus died on the cross for you to restore you- to forgive you. He died to forgive
you even though you didn't deserve it and even while you were still hurting him with your sin (Rom 5:8)! From that moment on, you were restored and forgiven. Jesus. Forgave. You. Now it's your turn to forgive and restore the relationships with people who have hurt you no matter how deeply they've hurt you and regardless of if they're even seeking restoration in your relationship (Matt 18:21-22).
I'm not saying this is easy. Jesus dying to restore you wasn't easy. It can be painful and difficult… but it's worth it. I know from experience! My biological father never loved me the way a father should love his daughter. He was very rarely invested in my life and he would make a lot of empty promises. I began harboring resentment towards my biological father. I became very calloused, cold, and angry. Leading up to my wedding, my biological father told me that he wasn't sure if he would be attending the wedding because he was too upset that he wouldn't be having a larger role in the wedding itself. Come the day of the wedding, my biological father didn't show up. That fueled the fire of resentment I was holding on to. I stopped talking to my dad and I held a deep anger for him. But then, several years after my wedding, I found myself in Israel/Palestine on a Global Connection Peacemaking Trip. I was in a room listening to an Israeli and Palestinian sharing about how they have had family members killed in the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict. They shared about how they have restored and forgiven the people who killed their family members. The Israeli forgave the Palestinian and the Palestinian forgave the Israeli. And these people weren't even Christians! How in the world could I not forgive my dad when there are people who are forgiving the murderers of the family members who aren't called to restoration like I am as a Christian? So when I got home, I called my dad and I told him I forgave him. I explained how Jesus has called me to restore my relationships and that I forgave him. My dad cried on the phone and couldn't wrap his head around why I should forgive him.
Restoration does that, though. It causes confusion because it's counter-cultural. It isn't normal. And yet, it's essential to being part of the Kingdom of Heaven. While we justify our resentment, Jesus calls us to give it up and see that His way of restoration is the best way. Through months of reconciliation with my dad, he is now interested in Jesus and our relationship is restored.
So, what relationship do you need to restore?